Run. Run far. Run fast. Run hard. Run until you fall and then get back up and Run. Let your legs burn, your chest burn, your side ache and your feet hurt. Let your heart quit and your brain curse you. But Run. Run.

What is your passion? I mean, really. What gets your heart pounding, blood flowing, brain racing and sets your spirit on fire? What would you go after, so hard, that pain is ok and quitting becomes an impossibility?

There is much to this world and to the people in this world. There are things to love and show passion for everywhere I turn. But figuring out how to direct a passion in the proper way is tricky. Passion itself is tricky. Like…define passion. We have the loving, supportive passion. And then we have the destructive, tear it down and change it passion. Both scary, awe bringing things when understood and directed appropriatly. Yet when we are talking about passion, define appropriate…and so it goes.

As I examine myself, in hopes of personal growth and gaining a better ability as a human being to better this world, I find myself looking at other peoples passion as a way to learn. It blows my mind, all the beautiful and crazy passions there are coming from the amazing people on this Earth. I do believe all passions are needed, and that is part of there beauty. We are all equipped differently, and as such, have different passions and ability’s to contribute….

It’s beautiful and innocent to me when I see people fighting to save the animals and the trees. It’s beautiful because these things matter! How can we as human beings, with the power and strength we have over all other species on Earth actively destroy pieces of our amazing world? We should be protecting this world, nurturing this planet. Saving the Rainforest should be a no brainier. Taking care of the animals IS our job. I have a very loving soft spot in my heart for the people in this world who can, and do, fight for these things to be taking care of as they should be cared for by us humans. I can not, however, put my passion there. I am not innocent enough to do it. I wonder if I ever was…maybe once. But I see so much ugly. So many hurts and wrongs that are being inflicted on humans, by humans. Something in my head and heart feels guilt when saying, “Save the Animals!” with my attention and resource. Not because I think we shouldn’t save the animals and protect nature. But because Human Trafficking is real. Child abuse is REAL! Real, live human beings around the world starve to death. An embarrassing number of people have no access to clean drinking water. Moms are faced with the reality of choosing which of her children will live and who will die, not because she wants to ever make that choice!!!, but because she has no resources to take care of her sick child. Uhg! I just can’t really let myself think too hard on all these ugly things. It’s overwhelmingly painful. But it is truth. I can spend 5 minutes looking at all the different coffee creamers at HEB, imagining how each might taste in my coffee, choosing one based on my mood or whimsical desire. And more often then not, going with whatever is on sale. Someone else just spent three times that long walking with a jug for water…. water that looks dirty and I’d be hard pressed to even drink. Its so wrong…….I feel sad that I can’t afford to send my children to better schools or put them in the best soccer club. But my children have so much…when they get sick, they are taken care of. When they are hungry, they eat. Many parents can not give these things to their children…the money spent on all the frivolous desires is embarrassing for me to take in when I think about this. Yet I know that enjoyment is good. I enjoy many many things, and I take pleasure in seeing my children enjoying what I provide them. Such is the battle line in my heart. Its a double edged sword that I live my life on, and a sword I am learning that most people do not understand. Am I a hypocrite for buying coffee creamer and Greek yogurt instead of putting all the money I can into water wells in Africa? Is it wrong for me to ever eat at a nice restaurant when I am fully aware of the need others have for any food at all? Sometimes I think it is. But I still want to enjoy things and live in this amazing, privileged piece of the world that I live in, in this time that I do live in. There has to be a way!

I am still searching for my way. I want to live a life that is giving and caring of others. I want to give my children everything I can (including discipline, respect for others and appreciation, mind you!). I want to enjoy and appreciate all I have. I want to appreciate others and give to other people’s lives as well.

My biggest pet peeve has always been close-minded, judgmental people. But it wasn’t until very recently that I began to understand why. It comes from my own very deep desire to be understood. I know I don’t “add up” in a liner way. But if you follow the right order of operations, I make perfect sense. The thing is, many people do not want to take the time to understand the multiplication and parentheses needed to “add” me up.  And I have got to say, that is ok!! We only have so much time in life. Sometimes it is wise to give others space. Some folks are not going to mix well with other folks. Does that mean we can dismiss, judge or say f you to folks we do not mix with? No!!!!! When anyone throws out labels, creates a motive for anothers action or dismisses another person out of their own ignorance I get mad. Agree to disagree, but there is no need to start judging or to be mean. Maybe this is a complicated thing…???? I, for one, have a hard time throwing out ugly words or thoughts towards someone who I don’t know. Like, the lady yelling at the checkout girl at the grocery store? Seems pretty mean to me, but I have no clue as to what is going on in her life. Maybe I’d yell too if my best friend just died, I found out a loved one has cancer or any number of painful things!!!!! I mean, it just isn’t my place to say or even think a mean thing about anyone else when I am only me and can’t possibility have all the information needed to put meanness out on another being. That’s not to say I think it’s ok to yell at the checkout person, ever…Maybe this is complicated, ha! I just wish people would be nicer to each other and I honestly do not understand why we are not nicer and helpful and more grateful, as the rule.

And I could keep going. In circles. I WANT TO BE NICER TOO!!!…..

Instead, I move on.

I move on to an idea. What if more of us tried to live our passion??? Not another’s, but OURS!!?!????!!!?????

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